Finding Strength in Vulnerability
Why embracing our softest parts is the key to building an unshakeable foundation for mental and emotional health.
Sarah Chen, MSc
Psychotherapist • July 7, 2024 • 8 MIN READ
In our culture, vulnerability is often mistaken for weakness. We praise stoicism, admire those who 'keep it together,' and quietly shame the ones who fall apart. But decades of psychological research — most famously brought to mainstream attention by researcher Brené Brown — tell a radically different story: vulnerability is not the opposite of strength. It is its origin.
What Vulnerability Actually Is
Vulnerability is the willingness to show up and be seen when there are no guarantees. It's saying 'I love you' first. It's asking for help when you're struggling. It's telling your therapist the thing you've never told anyone. It is, in the truest sense, courage in its rawest form.
"Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it's having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome." — Brené Brown
The Armour We Build
When we experience pain, rejection, or shame early in life, we learn to armour up. We develop strategies — perfectionism, over-achievement, numbing through work or substances, emotional unavailability — that protect us from feeling exposed. These strategies work, in the short term. They keep the pain at bay.
But armour is heavy. It doesn't distinguish between pain and joy, between hurt and love. When we armour against vulnerability, we armour against everything — including connection, creativity, intimacy, and belonging.
Building Resilience Through Openness
These practices can help you gently lower your armour:
- Name what you feel — labelling emotions (even to yourself in a journal) reduces their intensity by up to 50%, according to fMRI studies.
- Start small — share one honest thing with one safe person this week.
- Practise self-compassion — treat your own struggles with the same kindness you'd offer a dear friend.
- Seek therapy — having a skilled, non-judgmental witness to your inner world is one of the most powerful acts of vulnerability available to us.
- Notice your armour — without judgment, become curious about your own protective strategies.
Therenova Tip: Vulnerability is not an all-or-nothing act. You don't need to 'open up completely' to begin. Even micro-moments of honesty — a text that says 'I'm struggling today' — build the muscle.
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